


But Watching you Stand Alone

by Cas_tellations



Series: Through Starry Skies and Tortured Hearts [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Coming back to life, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I know I usually Always have a beta but this is unbeta'd we're dyin like men tonight, M/M, Panic Attacks, Recreational Drug Use, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Temporary Character Death, Torture, Violence, look sometimes u just gotta get high to deal with ur ex bf goin missing in deep space, realising youre in love with your friend but youre dead so hows that supposed to work, which is always fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 21:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15446448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cas_tellations/pseuds/Cas_tellations
Summary: The galra take him, and Shiro is alone.He escapes though, only to have everything ripped away again during a battle with Zarkon. He gets trapped inside the black lion's mind, and even though there's no way that anything good can come out of it, he finds himself falling in love with his best friend.





	But Watching you Stand Alone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [OnyxLibertas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnyxLibertas/gifts).



> I hope y'all enjoy this! It's hella angsty but I swear there's some happy parts, too :)

 

 

Aliens take them, and Shiro is alone.

 

He is alone, and it is dark. Cell walls rise up on every side of him, and he can taste blood in his mouth. The worst thing is, he thinks, about being prisoner on an alien ship is the sound. Of course, the smell is awful - he doesn’t think that he’ll ever get it out of his nose. And of course the things he sees are terrible. He will never unsee the horrors of torture. 

 

But the worst thing is being stuck in a cell, hearing all the death surrounding him. Because when he can only hear it, he is unable to prevent it from happening. He hears children screaming in fear as they are ripped from they parents grasps. He hears the parents pleas as they are led up to one of the arenas, their children nowhere in sight.

 

He hears the creature in the cell next to him talking to it’s dead companion. He hears the sickening thud of metal against flesh and hears the loud, echoing footsteps of the guards, boots covered in blood, stomping through puddles in the hallway. He hears those who have gone crazy from being cooped up for so long. He hears those who have gone crazy from being alone for so long.

 

He hears all this pain and torture, suffering told in screams and yells of terror - and yet he remains helpless, unable to do anything about it.

 

So he covers his ears with his trembling hands, and rocks back and forth in the corner of his cell, humming, as if the sounds of a long last song can wash away his fear. 

 

-

 

Keith is laying on his bed when it happens, having just returned to his room after eating a quick dinner. He’s laying on his bed, scrolling through his phone, and then - 

 

_ Pilot Error: Kerberos Mission Confirmed Missing by Galaxy Garrison.  _

 

And at first - at first, he thinks that it’s nothing but someone trying to play some sort of sick joke on him. He frowns and clicks on the article’s link. It had been published almost ten minutes ago.  _ It’s a joke, right? _ But the news source is credible, and the format is not one of a joke. There’s pictures of the crew. There’s a picture of Shiro. 

 

_ Six months ago, the Galaxy Garrison launched an exploratory mission to Kerberos - one of Pluto’s moons. It would soon encapture the entire world. Videos that they crew sent back from their ship have been played across televisions worldwide. The easygoing, friendly nature of the crew soon resulted in the Garrison setting up an official email address so that fans could send mail directly to these deep space explorers on their travels.  _

_ However, it is a well known fact that the pilot of this mission, Takashi Shirogane, has spent a large portion of his life courageously battling a disease that attacks his muscles. He was said to have been able to deal with the disease, going through many different types of medication and muscle therapy, including the controversial electro stimulators. Doctors estimated that he had at the very least another two to three years left in his peak condition.  _

_ The threat of his disease tampering with the success of the mission led to many misgiving from many people, including higher ups at the Galaxy Garrison itself.  As it currently stands, it appears that Shirogane was not the perfect pilot that many assumed he was. Be it his disease or lack of the proper skills needed to pull off such a dangerous, far-from-home mission, one point still stands - the Kerberos mission has gone missing, caused by a ‘pilot error’ on Shirogane’s part-  _

 

Keith has to run to the bathroom so that he doesn’t throw up all over his freshly-washed sheets. 

 

-

 

He fights because he has no choice. 

 

He fights because if he survives, maybe he can get back home. 

 

He fights because giving up is not an option. 

 

The body count piles up, and Shiro doesn’t know if he has a soul left. Life drains out from his eyes over the weeks until months build up and he’s nothing but a shell of something that used to be great. His muscles get worse, he thinks maybe from how the gravity here is different than Earth’s, but he’s not completely sure. 

 

One day he almost loses a fight because the muscles in his right arm are  _ not working properly.  _ He takes a heavy beating from his opponent. That’s how he has to see the people he kills: opponents. He’d learnt about dehumanization in grade school, where his social studies teacher had told the class, with a grave face, that in war people do not view other humans as humans. They view them as as monsters - in the second world war they saw them as  _ Jews  _ and  _ homosexuals  _ and  _ Poles,  _ among many others. After that war it was  _ commies,  _ the red scare flooding through the word as the so-called ‘good guys’ carpet-bombed Vietnam in the hopes of containing an ideology. Because in truth, it is so much easier to kill if you do not think about the  _ life _ that you are taking. So Shiro forces himself to view them as opponents, nothing more than bags of meat.

 

He almost loses a fight, and the Aliens -  _ Galra,  _ he learns - take his arm away from him. 

 

After that, it’s easier to fight. He has a weapon built into him, glowing purple and stronger than any regular human’s arm should be. It’s metal and heavy. He was half-awake during the surgery, painfully aware of the metal plates that they were putting across his collarbone, down his spine and through his shoulder to help his body to bear the weight. 

 

Then they throw him back in his cell, and Shiro tries to think about the things that keep him human throughout the horror. 

 

Adam. Glasses, sandy brown hair, a grin so full of mischief and light. Hands gentle on Shiro’s body, lips soft against Shiro’s own. The memories that Shiro holds of Adam keeps him human. Because if he truly is not human, then he would not be capable of feeling love. Adam broke up with Shiro before he left on the mission, but the memories of love hold out strong, a stark contrast to the unrelenting pain that Shiro’s been faced with ever since then. 

 

Keith. Fingerless gloves, dark brown - almost black hair, a smile that was rare at first, a grin that Shiro eventually earned through trust and undying support. Hands capable of flying through the simulations faster than anybody else. Eyes a deep purple, so full of and anger and strength all at once. The memories of Keith keep him human, because if he truly is not human, then he would not be capable of feeling pride. 

 

As he lies there, blood seeping from wounds that bandages do not cover, muscles spasming so painfully that he dry heaves, stomach trying to throw something up despite being empty, he thinks of the past. He thinks of Keith and Adam and the Garrison and the future that he almost had. 

 

He lies there, and he does everything he can to keep his mind away from the darkest thoughts. 

 

The galra give him time to heal. He doesn’t know how long, but at least a month, if not more, passes before his cell door opens with a clang. 

 

He backs up against the far wall, clenching his fists. He narrows his eyes and ignores the pain as his muscles tense. 

 

“Champion.” One of the guards calls out, “you have been summoned to the arena.” 

 

Shiro thinks of Keith, and how he was stubborn and angry and yet so full of life, so full of love. 

 

Shiro says, “no.” And he thinks that Keith would be proud of him if he was to see Shiro resisting. One of the guards steps into the cell. He’s tall, and broad, armour gleaming on top of muscle. His lips curl back to reveal pointed teeth. He stalks closer to Shiro, a growl in his throat. 

 

And the stupid, reckless part of Shiro says  _ if you fight him off, then you can escape, you can go home! _

 

Shiro throws the first punch, throwing his weight back onto his right leg, moving his left arm up to be level with his neck, and then puts everything his has in to slamming his right fist into the bottom of the galra’s chin. There’s a deafening  _ crack  _ and the galra is dead before he hits the floor, flying several feet away from Shiro and landing in a crumpled, broken heap. It all happens in a matter of moments, barely even a few seconds. It happens in silence.

 

Shiro has long since learnt how to filter out the background sounds of torture. 

 

-

 

A week passes and Keith feels like he’s slowly going insane. Nobody’s  _ doing anything.  _ There’s gossip, cadets talking shit about Shiro during breakfast. There’s official news reports, reporters writing articles as if they actually knew Shiro. The Garrison opens up a new counselling service for people affected by the disappearance. 

 

But all in all, classes go on and nobody sends out a rescue mission. 

 

Keith takes Shiro’s hoverbike and rides through the desert, returning to the house he grew up in only to leave without stepping inside. He watches the sunset and thinks about all the sunsets he shared with Shiro. The wind tosses through his hair, and Keith remembers the way it used to run through Shiro’s hair. Everything has a memory embedded into it, and Keith hates the way he misses Shiro. He hates the way it hurts him, deep within his chest. 

 

Shiro had been the first and only person, save for his father, who had seen Keith through all of his damage. He had seen  _ Keith  _ instead of some broken kid with discipline issues. He had seen  _ Keith  _ instead of a scarred, angry person on his way to a life in prison for something stupid. He had seen past all of Keith’s walls. He had told him, time and time again, that if one thing’s for sure;  _ he would never give up on Keith.  _

 

But more importantly, he had taught Keith to never give up on  _ himself.  _

 

Time passes, and Keith finds himself knocking on Adam’s door. He doesn’t know what he’s here for. Comfort, maybe. Maybe he just wants someone easy to yell at. Maybe he needs to see the other person that Shiro left behind. 

 

Adam opens the door, and his eyes are rimmed with red. He has a lazy smile on his face and the room smells strongly of smoke. Keith wrinkles his nose. 

 

“Oh.” Adam says, “you’re not Steve.” 

 

“No.” Keith says, “I’m Keith.” 

 

“I know.” Adam takes a long drag from a badly-rolled joint, backing away from the door and throwing himself into the chair by the desk, “come in, if you want.” 

 

Keith steps into the room. His hands are clenched into tight fists. 

 

“Ever smoked weed before?” Adam asks. 

 

“No.” Keith says shortly. 

 

“Ever want to start?” 

 

“No.” Keith feels like punching him in his stupid teeth. 

 

“Shiro used to smoke with me. He ever tell you that?” Adam laughs, and the pain is clear behind the words. 

 

Keith shakes his head. The smoke tickles the back of his throat. 

 

“Well, he did used to smoke with me. We used to go out to the desert on his hoverbike, and he’d bring cake or some other sweet shit like that. And I’d bring the weed and we’d just have a good time, you know?” Adam rolls his eyes, “and now it’s just me. Just me and this stupid weed and no fucking Shiro anywhere.” 

 

“I don’t see why you care so much.” Keith says through a cough, “you broke up with him in the first place.” There is venom etched into his words. 

 

“I thought this would all be easier if he wasn’t my boyfriend. Turns out death sucks no matter what the dead one was. Boyfriend or just a friend, death is death and it fuckign sucks.” Adam tilts the chair back onto two legs. “Shiro didn’t blame me. You shouldn’t either.” 

 

“They haven’t even sent out a rescue mission.” Keith says quietly, defeated. “What if he’s still out there?” 

 

“It’s bullshit.” Adam says, slamming the chair back down on all four legs, “everything’s fucking bullshit! They say they care but they’re not doing anything.” 

 

“They could still be out there.” Keith says again, angrily. 

 

“It’s been too long since it’s gone missing.” Adam spits. He takes another drag on the joint. “Even if they were alive, they’re dead now. Fuck! I told Takashi not to go. I knew something like this would happen.” 

 

“He was the best pilot.” Keith says, “it wasn’t his fault.” 

 

“Maybe it wasn’t his fault.” Adam says, “he was a fucking fabulous pilot. But something happened out there and now the man I loved is dead. It’s all fucked up, Keith. Don’t fall in love, it sucks.” 

 

“I’m going to find him,” Keith murmurs. 

 

Adam shakes his head sadly. “You’re stubborn, just like him. Hey, do you vape? I got new fruit loop juice if you want to try it out.” 

 

“No.” Keith says, leaving without a second glance. He wouldn’t be able to get any help from Adam. 

 

But he’ll find Shiro. He will, even if it kills him. Because Shiro never gave up on him, so Keith sure as hell would never give up on him either.

 

-

 

The fight is gruesome. The pit him against a bigger, stronger opponent. The galra has given them both advanced weapons, but Shiro has lost both the sword and the shield that he had picked out. He has a small dagger tucked into his boot, but he doesn’t want to use that unless he  _ really  _ needs it. 

 

The opponent is a good four feet taller than Shiro and has gnarly, blue skin. It’s eyes are blackened, and it’s teeth are long and yellow, curing past his bottom lip. He has two gigantic horns protruding from his head, and he looks to be wearing the pelts of other creatures. His skin is thick - it’s hard for Shiro to pierce through. 

 

Shiro pivots around him. 

 

The opponent is taller and physically stronger, but Shiro is faster. And smarter. 

 

He lets the opponent take one swing at him, and he leaps out of the way in the nick of time, only to close the distance between them again. The crowd roars in approval - Shiro is a fan favorite. The opponent takes another swing at him, and Shiro bounces away and then back into it’s space. Third time’s the charm - the opponent growls, swinging his weapon in Shiro’s direction. 

 

Shiro ducks, quick as a flash, and leaps close as the opponent’s arm is extended above his head and he - 

 

-he lands a solid hit on the opponents body, and it stumbles back in shock. Shiro follows him, staying in close, using his galra arm to land solid punch after solid punch. He feels bones breaking under his hand, and yet he doesn’t stop. 

 

The opponent falls to the ground and Shiro grabs it’s weapon and - 

 

-Shiro yells as he sinks the sharp end of the spear through one of the opponent’s eye sockets. 

 

As the crowd roars in triumph, Shiro sinks to his knees, muscles aching and feeling utterly defeated. 

 

-

 

Keith doesn’t think he means to do it. He’s just so  _ angry  _ and  _ tired  _ of the way that everybody’s treating Shiro. Because Shiro’s  _ not dead -  _ he can’t be. Not for one second has Keith allowed himself to think that Shiro has died. Not for one second has he allowed himself to give in to the stress of the situation and break down in tears.

 

So Keith doesn’t  _ think  _ he means to do it. But he goes to Iverson for help - he swears, he went there to try and ask for help - but he ended up yelling, screaming at Iverson, telling him that he had given up on Shiro, telling him that the goddamn Galaxy Garrison didn’t  _ fucking  _ deserve Shiro in the first place. Iverson had screamed right back, saying that it was all Shiro’s fault and that they shouldn’t have let him on the mission. Keith doesn’t know when it happened, but he had pulled out his knife and Iverson’s eye had caught on the end of the blade. 

 

The only reason he’s not currently facing legal charges is because he had grabbed Shiro’s hoverbike and gotten as far away from the Garrison as he could. 

 

He makes it to his old house in the desert where he had lived with his father before he went into a burning building to rescue people and had not made it through the burns that he suffered. 

 

Keith hasn’t cried yet. Because Shiro’s not dead, so there’s no reason to cry. 

 

All Keith has to do now is find him.

 

-

 

Shiro doesn’t remember how he escapes. All he knows is that one second he’s in his cell, thinking of the things he left behind, thinking of the things that keep him human, and then next second everything’s black. And then he opens his eyes and Keith is there. 

 

_ Keith is there.  _

 

Keith gives Shiro his father’s old clothes, their broad frames are similar enough that it fits, albeit a bit small across Shiro’s shoulders. 

 

Shiro tries to remember what happened but his brains feel scrambled. He gets bits and pieces - pain, suffering, torture, death. But never the full story. He can’t quite grasp how he managed to escape. He can’t remember what he came back to earth to warn everybody about. Of course he should warn them about the galra. But he feels like there’s something else that he’s forgetting, and it’s frustrating him to no end. 

 

It’s good to see Keith again. It’s good to know that he was never forgotten. It’s good to know that someone was thinking of him when he was alone, clinging to life by the skin of his teeth. 

 

There’s no time to slow down and gather his thoughts though. Because they find a giant robot lion and then they’re in space again and all Shiro can do is keep telling himself that  _ he’s free.  _ Everytime he thinks that this whole thing might just be an elaborate dream, he lets himself catch Keith’s eye, and Keith smiles at him, so open and free. 

 

In the galra prison, Shiro saw no light. In space, with Keith by his side, they are surrounded by blinding stars. 

 

Time is so fast. It slips by and there’s nothing Shiro can do to make it slow down. The other cadets that had come along are nice, but painfully innocent. Shiro feels sick at the thought of bringing them into a warzone. But they don’t seem like the type of people to back down from a challenge. 

 

Shiro is on a planet with Pidge, in hopes of locating the green lion, and Shiro finally feels like he’s at peace. The river is nice, slow and steady. Everything in bathed in green and brown hues, so different from the dark galra prison. It’s there that Shiro finally feels safe. 

 

He’s not stupid, he knows who Pidge is. But he’s not the type of person to share other people’s secrets, so he calls her Pidge instead of Katie and always makes sure to offer her a friendly smile because she had lost both her brother and her father. 

 

Weeks pass in the castle, and Shiro still has to work hard to remind himself that he is safe now; that he is free now. 

 

-

 

Keith is different then how he was before. Shiro can see the hesitation, the anger and the fear deep within his eyes. He’s grown up considerable since Shiro has last seen him. Keith’s rough edges have become hard and his words are often clipped and short. 

 

Shiro wonders if it’s his fault - he was the one who disappeared, leaving Keith all alone in a world so big. 

 

He watches closely as Keith spars with a robotic simulation. He’s relying on instincts more than anything else - which is  _ good -  _ but he leaves some easy openings in his defence that could be fixed with better training. When he isn’t able to defeat the opponent within the first few minutes, Shiro can see that Keith is becoming frustrated, his punches become sloppy and his face flushing red, a frown upon his face. He tried rushing forwards, but miscalculates at the last second and the opponent lays him out. 

 

“Simulations status: failed.” The robotic voice echoes through the training room. 

 

“You need to be more patient.” Shiro says. 

 

Keith’s head snaps towards him, sitting up abruptly, “shit, sorry I didn’t see you there.” 

 

“S’alright.” Shiro says, pushing himself away from the wall that he’d been leaning against and padding over to where Keith is sitting. He plops down beside him. “These simulations are hyper realistic, right?” 

 

“Supposedly.” 

 

“Then they should eventually slow down enough for you to get in a solid hit or two. What level are you on?” 

 

“Twenty.” 

 

Shiro raises his eyebrows in surprise, “you’re catching up to my level.” 

 

“Which one’s that?” 

 

“Thirty-three.” Shiro grins at the look upon Keith’s face. “I said catching up, not there yet.” 

 

“You should show me how it’s done.” Keith says suddenly, a genuine smile spreading across his features, “maybe it’ll help if I watch the master do it.” 

 

Shiro stands, reaching out a hand for Keith to take. He hauls him to his feet, then lets go, offering Keith a small smile. 

 

Shiro starts up the simulation again, then stands in the centre of the room, taking deep, slow breaths. There’s no roar of a crowd here, and there’s no weapons and there will be no blood; there will be no cell waiting for him when he comes out victorious. He hates the simulations. Hates them more than anything else; but that doesn’t stop him from pushing himself to do it. He can’t afford to be weak. Not now, in the middle of a war. Not ever - there will always be something to fight for. 

 

He can’t afford to let any sort of PTSD drag him down. He works through it by  _ pushing  _ himself through it until he is numb to it. 

 

It’s a level twenty simulation. Difficult, but not impossible. Exceptionally not impossible for Shiro. He’s fought the worst opponents that the universe has to offer. 

 

So he stands before the simulation, and breaths. As long as he keeps breathing, he remains alive. The robotic simulation has weapons - two long, altean swords. When Keith had gone through this simulation, he had first disarmed the simulation, getting rid of it’s weapons. That’s the easy thing to do. But Shiro’s never been one for wasting time in disarming. 

 

In the arena, there was never much time to worry about disarming the opponent. 

 

_ Patience,  _ Shiro thinks,  _ yields focus.  _ All he needs to do is breath. As long as he’s breathing, he will be able to defeat the opponent. 

 

The opponent rushes into Shiro’s space, raising both swords. Shiro waits until the opponent is almost upon him before shifting all of his weight to the left and stepping out of the way. 

 

_ Calm, remember to breath. In and out.  _

 

Shiro noticed, early on in the arena, that the opponents always had some sort of pattern to their attacks. All Shiro would need to do is memorise the pattern and react accordingly. 

 

The opponent turns, rushing him again. This is where Keith had gone wrong - on the second rush, Keith had used his quick speed to land a few jabs, effectively causing the opponent to drop one of his swords. Shiro stands still, braced and ready.

 

The opponent has his swords ready this time, and Shiro ducks as they swing where his head would have been. Blood roars in his ears as he drops down onto the balls of his feet and reaches up with his right hand, grabbing one of the opponents wrists.

 

He’s a ball of fury, moving faster than any human should be able to. He hooks an ankle around the leg of the opponent to keep it in one place and then slams his knee into the opponent’s shin, at the exact same moment flicking his galra wrist with all his might- 

 

-there’s an awful sound of metal piercing through metal as Shiro drives the opponent's weapon into his own chest. The opponents leg has snapped clean in two and Shiro- 

 

-Shiro can almost smell the blood, memories of the arena washing over him clear as a cloudless sky. 

 

Blood, pain, the opponent screaming for mercy. The roar of the crowd, cracking throughout the arena. 

 

Shiro scrambles backwards, landing on his ass and shuffling back quickly until his back is pressed against a wall. His breath catches in his throat and he  _ can’t breath.  _

 

Panic pulses through him like an unstoppable tidal wave. He closes his eyes so that he can not see the opponent’s body, but his mind is a darp place and he feels like he’s trapped in that awful cell again, smelling blood and torture on the stale air. 

 

“Shiro!” A voice cuts through his brain, and it’s muffled at first, but eventually takes shape into his name, “Shiro! Shiro, please.” 

 

Shiro pries his eyes open. Relief washes over Keith’s face, “fuck, Shiro.” 

 

Shiro coughs, his lungs aching for air. 

 

“It’s alright.” Keith says, meeting Shiro’s wide, panic filled eyes. “It’s alright now. Okay, breath with me.” 

 

Shiro claws at his throat, sucking in small, quick gasps of air. Keith is crouched before him, hands on Shiro’s shoulders. “In and out, Shiro. Come on.” 

 

_ It hurts, it hurts, it hurts please -  _

 

_ -please, oh god, make it stop.  _

 

“Hey. Hey! Shiro. Look at me, okay?” 

 

Shiro thinks he nods. Darkness threatens the edges of his vision. He thinks it would be better if he could just pass out. That would be infinitely better than this. Maybe if he asks nicely Keith will hit him hard enough to knock Shiro out. 

 

“Fuck.” Shiro hears Keith say again. “Okay, fuck it.” He grabs Shiro’s shoulders tighter, manhandling him away from the wall. Shiro goes limp. When the guards touch you like this it’s easiest to just go with it. 

 

Keith maneuvers them so that he’s the one with his back against the wall, pulling Shiro close so that his back is pressed up against Keith’s chest. He reaches under Shiro’s arms, pressing a hand under his chin so that his head is tipped back on Keith’s shoulder, his airway open. 

 

“Just like this.” Keith says, “Okay, breath with me now.” 

 

Shiro’s body rises and falls against Keith’s chest as Keith takes an exaggerated breath. “Okay,” He murmurs, “can you feel that? Do it with me this time. In… and out…” 

 

They stay like that for a long time, Keith taking huge breaths and Shiro trying to follow his actions. 

 

When he does catch his breath, he finds himself slumping back into Keith’s embrace, exhaustion seeping into his bones. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Keith says, “I… I shouldn’t have asked you to show me.” 

 

“ _ No. _ ” Shiro murmurs, “wasn’t your fault. I’ve done that simulation before - I don’t know what happened. All of a sudden I was back in that goddamn arena.”

 

“...Arena?” Keith asks slowly, “what do you mean?” 

 

Shiro should be pushing himself up to his feet. He should be getting himself back together. He should be hitting the showers and then going to bed. Time in the castle is different from earth’s time, but everybody else is asleep. 

 

He should be leaving, but he finds himself craving physical touch so desperately. 

 

“The galra are… so horrifically evil, god Keith.” Shiro says. He doesn’t want to lie, and he knows that Keith can take it so he plunges forwards before he can change his mind, “their ideas of entertainment were sickening. They-  _ fuck.”  _ Shiro rubs a hand over his eyes and takes a deep breath. “They forced the prisoners to fight. To the death.” 

 

He feels Keith’s sharp intake of breath. 

 

“I did that exact same move on an opponent in the arena. I- I killed a real living human like that. How could I do that? How could I have done that and still be human?” 

 

Keith tightens his arms around Shiro’s torso and Shiro has to fight back his tears. 

 

-

 

Space is beautiful. 

 

Endless stars, constellations shining as far as the eye can see. Shiro has always loved the vast expanses of space, and it’s beauty, though it has become tarnished from horror-filled memories, is not lost on him completely.

 

The castle of lions is grand in many ways, but Shiro has always preferred the simple things, and finds himself draw to a small observatory room somewhere down a long, winding hallway. 

 

He has a difficult time staying asleep most night, but thankfully the stars never sleep, and the glass dome-roof of the observatory never fails to calm him down after a long day. His muscles still ache, especially after a day full of fighting a war he’d never asked to be a part of, but the arm that always caused him the most trouble has been removed, and really the pain from his muscles is very little in comparison to the torture that he had the misfortune of enduring in the past. 

 

Shiro isn’t surprised when Keith finds him one night. They both have trouble sleeping. 

 

“Hey.” Keith says, and his voice cuts through the night. 

 

“Hi.” Shiro replies. He’s laying on the hard floor under a soft blanket. Ever since he got back, he can’t seem to get comfortable with a pillow under his head. He had been forced to sleep on hard surfaces for so long, it’s difficult to go back. He lifts up the corner of the blanket, and Keith wordlessly slips under it. 

 

“Keith, I’ve been meaning to ask you…” 

 

“Yeah?” Keith prompts when Shiro doesn’t go on. 

 

“How was Adam - when the mission went missing. I just - I know he cared about me.” Shiro stops awkwards. He sighs, “sorry.” 

 

“I didn’t see much of him.” Keith says after a moment, “I went to his dorm once, to ask for help to - to find you. I think he was sad. He was really high though, mostly he just sounded angry.” 

 

“Oh.” 

 

Silence washes over them for a few seconds until Shiro breaks it again. “I don’t miss him as much as I thought I would. When we first broke up I thought about him a lot and - and in the prison, I thought of him a lot. But I don’t think I  _ miss  _ him. I mean - I miss his friendship and all the good stuff but…” 

 

“But you don’t regret the breakup.” Keith fills in for him. 

 

“Yeah.” Shiro confesses, “is that bad? He was gonna ask me to marry him and I’m… I’m over him, I think.” 

 

“You guys broke up.” Keith says. Shiro can practically hear his eyes rolling, “it’s a good thing if you’re over him. It means you can move on.” 

 

“I just feel bad.” Shiro sighs heavily. Throughout it all, his eyes stay trained on the stars above him. “I feel like I’m - I don’t know. Giving up on him?” 

 

“If advice is what you’re looking for, I don’t have much.” Keith says with a chuckle. 

 

“No, it’s just good to vent someone you trust sometimes.” Shiro says, the hint of a smile taking over his face. “I’m glad you’re here, Keith. Everything would have been a hell of a lot different if you hadn’t shown up in my life.” 

 

Keith tilts his head towards Shiro, but Shiro doesn’t pull his eyes away from the stars. “ _ Your  _ life, huh? You’re the one who saved me, you know that right?”

 

“We must’ve saved each other, then.” Shiro says. 

 

“Really though.” Keith looks back up into space, “you’re the one who got me into the Garrison. You’re the one who supported me when I did nothing to deserve it. Hell, Shiro, I stole your car. And then you got my into the best school in the world and believed in me when everyone had already given up.” 

 

“Well.” Shiro pauses before continuing, “You deserved to have someone believe in you. Besides, I think it all worked out pretty well in the end.” 

 

“Yeah.” Keith says, and he’s the one who pushes himself closer to Shiro, nudging their shoulders together, “guess it all did work out pretty well.”

 

“C’mere.” Shiro whispers through the darkness, grabbing onto Keith and pulling him closer until Keith is laying with his head on Shiro’s shoulder and one hand splayed over Shiro’s heart. Shiro tangles their legs together and stares at the stars until his eyelids grow heavy and his breathing levels out. Sleep is usually difficult to come by, but with Keith by his side, he slips off easily. 

 

-

 

They fight Zarkon, and Shiro dies. They fight Zarkon, and Shiro is alone. 

 

He doesn’t realise what has happened, not at first. He knows he’s in his lion’s mind. He thinks that there might be a creature waiting inside the lion’s mind to fight him. He crouches into a fighting stance, galra arm raised. 

 

But his arm doesn’t whir to life. That’s his first clue. 

 

The second clue comes later, when he’s tired of waiting for the threat to appear, and tries to return to his body. He closes his eyes and breaths steadily. When he doesn’t snap back right away, he frowns, and opens one eye a little bit. 

 

“Um - Black… Can I go back now?” 

 

All around him, Black purrs, as if to try and sooth him. He takes a stunned step back. “Black?” His voice is small, searching. Scared. “Black, what happened?” 

 

“No.” Shiro says into empty space. “No - no this isn’t possible. This isn’t happening - I just got  _ back -  _ no, no. There must be something wrong - this isn’t  _ right.”  _ He collapses to his knees. 

 

“I just  _ got back. _ ” He screams, “ _ This isn’t fair - I just got back!”  _

 

-

 

He doesn’t have a steady concept of time. When he’s conscious, he watches through Black’s eyes, helplessly staring as his teammates fall apart. When he’s unconscious, nightmares take him, ripping his brain to shreds. 

 

Keith becomes the new pilot of the Black lion. Shiro is proud. So, so insanely proud. But the pride is plagued by sadness. Keith didn’t ask for this, he didn’t want this. 

 

But Shiro can do absolutely nothing to help him. 

 

Because he died; and for some reason he was sent to a hell in which he was forced to watch the people he cares for crumble and fall under the weight that Shiro used to be able to hold up for them. 

 

-

 

Shiro enjoys his time with Keith, because Keith talks to him. Even though Shiro is not physically there, Keith talks, and Shiro is more than happy to listen. 

 

It’s been a few weeks since Shiro has been trapped in the lion’s mind, and Keith is taking Black out on a joyride. 

 

“Hey, Black.” He says, his voice shaking slightly. “Let’s see how fast you can go, huh?”

 

Keith is easily one of the best pilots in the universe. Shiro has known of this ever since he first watched the younger, smaller version of Keith flying in a simulation. He’s  _ told  _ Keith that he is an amazing pilot, time and time again. But it’s another thing to be inside the lion that Keith is flying. 

 

Keith treats the lion like it's an extension of his body. Black responds to him easily, going so fast that Keith’s back is forced into his seat. 

 

They slow down near the edge of a small solar system, quite a distance away from the castle. 

 

Keith leans away from the controls, curling his legs under himself and sighing heavily. “Do you miss him, too?” He says suddenly. 

 

“...Because I do.” Keith rubs a hand over his face, “I keep  _ losing  _ him and I- it’s just - it’s  _ too much.  _ I just got him back and now he’s gone again and this  time -” Keith breaks off in a sob. 

 

“I don’t know what to do, Black.” Keith hiccups, “I miss him so much. I miss him and I  _ love  _ him and I can’t-” The wail of grief that Keith emits makes Shiro’s knees go weak. 

 

“Keith.” He whispers. But his voice cannot break the invisible barrier between them. 

 

“I never asked to fight in this stupid war.” Keith says once he manages to get his cries under control, “all I wanted was to fly to the stars with him… And now, there’s stars all around us but I’m - I’m alone, Black. God, I’m so alone.” Shiro watches as Keith takes a deep breath, rubbing his hands across his face. “He was the  _ only  _ person who never gave up on me and now this war has taken him and I-” 

 

“ _ I don’t know what to do.”  _

 

-

 

Time passes, and Keith finds the clone. Time passes, and Shiro falls in love. 

 

Keith leaves memories in the Black lion, and Shiro falls in love with them. He’s always talking, rambling on about  _ everything.  _ Keith talks about how he first felt when he met Shiro, and he talks about their friendship and what that meant to him. He talks about watching Adam break Shiro’s heart, and he tells Black about how it felt when Shiro left for Kerberos. 

 

He talks about other things too; his father, mostly, and musings on where his mother could have gone. He recounts interactions he has with the other paladins. 

 

“I wonder if I’m ever going to stop missing him.” Keith says one day. “I know he’s  _ back,  _ but he seems… I don’t know. Different. I know it’s stupid and wrong but I miss how he used to be.” 

 

_ “I miss you too.”  _ Shiro says, his voice not reaching Keith’s ears,  _ “I miss you so, so much, you have no idea.”  _

 

He can’t pinpoint the moment that his feelings morphed into something akin to  _ love.  _ It’s just there one day, and he can’t remember a day where it wasn’t there. His chest feels light whenever Keith comes into the lion, and a smile spreads across his face when Keith addresses him. He wants nothing more than to be there physically for him. 

 

Above everything else, Shiro wants to be able to wrap his arms around Keith and never let go. 

 

It’s a shame though, when that’s the only thing that Shiro cannot do. And that’s what hurts him the most. 

 

-

 

A lot happens in a short amount of time. Keith leaves, and Shiro feels more alone than he ever has.  _ He’s trapped  _ and his mind is a whirlwind of thoughts, a whirlwind of emotions. He feels sick most days, seeing his clone take over his place. He needs to warn the paladins, but he can’t figure out how. 

 

He sorts through how he feels about the galra, and about how they made him fight in the arena. One of the good things about being isolated inside of a sentient robot lion’s mind is that he can sort through his PTSD without hurting anybody around him. Black tries to be good company, and their bond is strengthened every day, but she often becomes weak and unresponsive. Most of her power is going into keeping Shiro alive.

 

Most of the time though, Shiro lies on his back, staring into an endless abyss of space, running through his memories of Keith. 

 

Because as long as he holds those memories close, he can ward the darkness away. As long as he keeps those memories close, he can stay human. 

 

-

 

Shiro’s clone tries to kill Keith, and Shiro catches them as they fall. 

 

Black allows him to take control just long enough for him to get the lion under them, and he breathes a long sigh of relief when Keith staggers into the cockpit. 

 

_ Everytime you fall,  _ Shiro thinks,  _ I’ll catch you. No matter what.  _

 

-

 

He didn’t know that it was possible to come back. 

 

But Allura drags his consciousness through Black, harnessing it within her own mind. 

 

When Shiro remembers how to open his eyes, Keith is there. Keith wraps him up in his arms, and Shiro leans his head against Keith’s chest. 

 

_ I’m back.  _

 

-

 

For a long time all there is is pain and dreams of the past, taking over him whilst he lays in Black’s healing pod. When he wakes up for the second time, Keith is there, and Shiro knows that he will never let go of him ever again. 

 

They don’t get a chance to really  _ talk  _ for a long time, though. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Shiro says, the moment they’re alone. Keith’s cosmic wolf pads up to him, nose twitching as if sniffs at Shiro. 

 

Shiro has all of the clone’s memories in him mind. Some of them are hazy, and some of them are gone completely, but the battle is vivid in his mind. He has a first person account of trying to murder the man he loves. The guilt is crushing him with it’s weight. 

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Shiro.” Keith says. 

 

“The clone - he almost killed you.” 

 

“It wasn’t you.” Keith says. 

 

“He still hurt you.” Shiro argues, though there’s no heat behind his words. 

 

“It wasn’t you.” Keith repeats, “you don’t need to apologise for something that you didn’t do.” 

 

“...I left you.” Shiro says after a moment, “I left you all alone in space. I shouldn’t have done that.” 

 

“You  _ died. _ ” Keith shouts suddenly, “you died, and I  _ couldn’t save you.  _ That’s on me, not you. Don’t you dare blame yourself for that.” 

 

“It’s not your fault either.” Shiro keeps his voice calm, but internally he’s scared. “It was Zarkon’s fault. It was this stupid war’s fault - not yours. Never yours, okay?” 

 

“Okay.” Keith says, and he leans into Shiro’s hand when he touches his shoulder.

 

-

 

“You said you loved me, during your fight with the clone.” Shiro says one day, sitting in the co-pilot’s chair. 

 

He hears the sharp intake of breath from Keith. 

 

Shiro plunges forwards, before he has the chance to back out, “and I was… awake, kind-of, inside the Black lion’s mind. You once… you said that you loved me then, too.” he turns to Keith, waiting. 

 

“Well.” Keith laughs dully, “that’s because I… I do. Love you, that is. I guess.” 

 

“Oh.” Shiro’s stomach is full of butterflies. “That’s great.” 

 

“Is it?” Keith muses. He doesn’t look toward Shiro. 

 

“Yeah.” Shiro says, “because I love you too. Shit, Keith - you’ve been my best friend for so long. ‘Course I love you.” He watches in amusement as Keith’s face turns a bright, cherry red. “I thought about it for a long time when I was in the lion. I mean, I had so much time on my hands, I thought about  _ everything. _ ” 

 

“That’s good.” Keith says idley. 

 

Shiro stands. His hands shake a little bit as his nerves flare up, the butterflies in his stomach intensifying. He walks over to Keith slowly, his footsteps echoing throughout the cockpit. He stops beside Keith’s chair. There’s an endless expanse of space, deep indigo blue punctured through with diamond-like stars extended before them. 

 

Keith takes his eyes away from the control panel. “Shiro?” 

 

“I could be reading this totally wrong.” Shiro says, his face heating up. “So tell me if I cross a line but-” 

 

Keith’s hand shoots forwards, grabbing Shiro’s. He laces their fingers together and pulls Shiro’s hand towards him, pressing a chaste kiss to his knuckles. “Still reading it wrong?” He says with a small grin. 

 

“God, Keith.” Shiro whispers, and yanks Keith to his feet. “I have been waiting for this for  _ way  _ too long.” He wants to wrap himself up around Keith and never, ever let go. 

 

And where their lips finally meet, they are warm. Keith kisses him desperately, like Shiro is the air that he needs to breath in order to survive. He licks into Shiro’s mouth and bites at his lips until they’re red and sensitive. 

 

It’s all Shiro can do to hold on. 

 

When they break apart, Shiro smiles, a giddy feeling in his chest. 

 

“Fuck, Shiro.” Keith says disbelievingly, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. Keith’s hands tangle with Shiro’s hair, pulling him down so that his head is resting against Keith’s shoulder. 

 

Shiro strokes his arm down Keith’s back, “I never thought I’d get to do that. I thought that one day I would just… fade away, inside Black’s mind. I never thought that this would be possible. I can’t believe it.” The skin on Keith’s neck is soft under Shiro’s lips. 

 

“Better start believing.” Keith says, his voice thick with happiness. 

 

Shiro holds onto Keith as tightly as he can, “I’ll never let you go.” 

 

“Even death doesn’t do us part.” Keith laughs. 

 

Around them, Black purrs. 

 

Space is beautiful, it stretches around them like a never ending blanket. It’s speckled with shades of silver and white. There’s brilliant purple nebulae and clusters of dwarf stars. There’s planets, brimming with life and technology. 

 

Keith allows himself to sink further into Shiro’s embrace, and time stands still. 

 

“We still have a lot to work out.” Keith says into Shiro’s shoulder, “but for now… for now this is good, right?” 

 

“For now, this is perfect.” Shiro says, his voice barely above a whisper. “I love you, Keith.”

 

“I love you too, Shiro.” Keith says. And then, “I love you, Takashi.” 

 

And together, they take a step towards the future.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Depending on how I feel I might write another little continuation of this, we'll see :D 
> 
> You can find me on:  
> Twitter - castellation_  
> Tumblr - cas-tellation


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